Grey & White Stripes

It has been so long I nearly forgot what it was like to have this feeling, this pit in my chest that aches every time I think of you. Not to mention the sheer crashing force of it falling into my stomach when you talk to me. I know it's all just hormones and expectations but why does it feel so gut-wrenching-ly real? I find myself avoiding meals because I know that if I see you or talk to you that it's going to drop into my stomach and I don't want to feel sick. I also don't understand how I can hold such high expectations of someone I barely know. We barely speak and yet I make excuses so that I can justify my feelings for you. You have shown very little interest but for some reason my foolish heart has decided that you are all it wants for the time being. Honestly I don't know why I let it lead itself into these dire situations. My head knows what my heart ignores, this is not safe, not healthy, and definitely not love. No matter how hard it tries my head will ne

Over the years I have learned this odd and strangely accurate truth about myself: I tend to love like a dog. All at once and intensely. Every time I see that thing I love I just go f*cking nuts wanting to touch it and kiss it and tell it how amazing it is. I want to lay at their feet and follow them everywhere they go. Anything they want me to do, I will do. Over and over again.  But I also tend to fall in love with cats. Literally and figuratively. But we shall go onward with the metaphor: the more attention I give them the more they run away. If I get too close they claw and hiss and try to scare me off. But my dumb puppy dog self keeps coming back. Only once I leave them alone the cat comes over and lays close to me, close but just out of reach. They purr and let me know they're happy to be close, but not together. For a while that makes my doggy heart happy just to make them happy because that is what I live for, to make them happy.